I'm Manglish speaker

I got a fwded email which is hilarious to read. Can't stop laughing! Indeed, I use all these sentences very frequently. Here you go...

British English vs. Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.


WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.


RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?


ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by.. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.


WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Malaysians: No need lah.


WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?


WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!


WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?


WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.


IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU..

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?


WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..

Malaysians: Die lah!!


WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? or Why like that one lah?


WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!


WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!